All that she wants is to make love to you?

Or so I thought. I was rocking out to Heart in my car the other day when All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You came on and I became baffled when singing the lyric ‘You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes.’ “What could this mean?” I thought “A mirrored ceiling perhaps?”  That’s some freaky shiz for early 90’s top 40. So I YouTubed the video which in classic Hair anthem style was super literal.  She was just boning that lonely boy in the rain to get pregnant because her husband is infertile, of course!

Slow? Moi? Ok yes I am slow, especially when the above verse was preceded by ‘I am the flower you are the seed, we walked in the garden, we planted a tree’ as in planted a seed in her lady garden which is a total metaphor for a baby. Right?! This made me think of another early 90’s anthem about some crazy bitch wanting a baby All That She Wants by Ace of Base.

Yes, I know Ace of Base were using the the term baby in the colloquial Hit Me Baby One More Time sense *pause for mental image of Britney being hit in the face by an actual baby* as opposed to Ann Wilson’s more literal seed growing in her lady garden sense. But as a 9 year old that was totally what I thought the song was about, that, and catching a tan. God I miss the days of ‘search for the hidden meaning songs’ now it’s all songs about liking the smell of sex (T.M.I. Rihanna!) or being a drunken mess (Amy Winehouse Ke$ha.) Screw them play me some Heart. Now Alone what do you suppose that’s about?